


Triptych

by allaire mikháil (allaire)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Betrayal, Gen, Hypothetical character death, Mental Health Issues, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Steve Rogers is morally bankrupt, Team Not As Family, Tony-centric, actions have consequences
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-30
Updated: 2017-06-30
Packaged: 2018-11-06 19:40:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 21
Words: 11,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11042967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allaire/pseuds/allaire%20mikh%C3%A1il
Summary: A juxtaposition of what happens, what Tony imagines happening, and what would happen."Be wise enough to forgive but don't be foolish enough to trust again."~ Ikechukwu Izuakor,Great Reflections on Success





	1. Sam Wilson: Friend vs. Councilor #1

**What happens**

  
The so-called ‘rogue Avengers’ have been back from Wakanda a week when Sam seeks out Stark to apologize. It’s not easy; Stark - with the aid of his AI - seems to be determined to avoid crossing his former team’s path as much as possible. Their access to his lab has been revoked, and joint press appearances are hardly the place for a personal talk.

He misses spending time outside the Compound, but the New Accords are still in their infancy and the public isn't yet entirely on board with the team's return. Sam knows he left his patients hanging when he hared off with Steve. Still, he can't help but feel hurt that the VA Center told him his position there was no longer available.

However, it's not like there aren't others who need his help. Case in point: Tony Stark.

Finally, he’s successful on a Tuesday around 2 a.m. in the Compound’s kitchen. Stark, who is pouring himself a cup of coffee despite the late hour, freezes when Sam enters the room. The polite nod and greeting (belied by Stark’s white-knuckled grip around his mug) are horribly fake. Sam feels uncomfortable as hell, but soldiers on.

“Stark, I’m sorry.”

The billionaire stops in his tracks on his way to the door, but doesn’t turn around.

“I’m sorry. For following Steve without question, even when it was against our own team, against the world. I was military; I know the value of being answerable to my higher-ups and through that, to the people. I was blind and arrogant and as a consequence, I hurt you and--and Rhodes.” Sam’s voice breaks.

The injury to Rhodes - so similar to what happened to Riley - still haunts his sleep.

Stark turns around. His face looks frozen. “Look, Wilson, as much as I appreciate you owning up to your shit decisions of last year, words are cheap. You’re on Rogers’ side first and foremost, and I doubt you’d do anything different if history ever repeated itself. We can work together to defeat Thanos, but that’s it.”

“I can’t accept that!” Sam yells. “I understand--“ He repeats himself when Stark scoffs incredulously, “I understand you can’t trust me for a good long while. Not until I’ve proven to you that I can and will think for myself, that being friends with Steve doesn’t mean that I have to blindly agree with all his decisions. But when that time comes, I’d like to offer you an open ear. Our team is broken, and you’re the one who got shafted in the divorce. I’m good at listening, and at keeping secrets. Whatever you’d tell me would be confidential, and boy, after spending a year cooped up with a frustrated Steve Rogers day-to-day I’d understand if you needed to vent.” He tries to smile.

Stark doesn’t smile back. “Apology accepted. As for your offer, I’m sorry, but I have to decline. You’re not exactly what I’d call an unbiased third party, and if I ever need a councilor, I’ll pick someone a bit more... ethical. No offence.”

He swans out.


	2. Sam Wilson: Friend vs. Councilor #2

**What Tony imagines happening**

  
Tony groans. It’s far too early in the morning to be awake, but apparently villains don’t adhere to a sensible sleep schedule. What a surprise.

At least he got a solid three hours of rest last night. That’s certainly not enough, as Sam is so fond of telling him, but Tony is the king of sleep deprivation, and no amount of therapy sessions are going to magically erase all of his issues (and nightmares) and have him drop off like a baby.

The suit locks around him with a final click, and he stomps into the waiting Quinjet.

The people already on board look at him with varying expressions of surprise.

“What are you doing here, Stark?” Clint asks neutrally. “I thought you weren’t coming.”

“Huh?” Tony asks. “We’re going up against Dr. Octavious. You need me.”

The reaction of his teammates is not encouraging, but well, Tony promised Steve they’d try to put it all behind them, and so he doesn’t let the occasional eye-roll or snide remark get to him. At least these days, Wanda shows far less hostility, but then, she spends a surprising amount of time in New York with Vision and the West Coast Avengers, and that seems to have done wonders for her emotional balance.

Dealing with Barnes’ presence on the team, however, is another thing entirely. The former Winter Soldier sits in the seat closest to the hatch, a dark, brooding presence all wrapped up in black leather and steel, bristling with weapons. He still hasn’t gotten a haircut, and honestly, Tony doesn’t trust the feverish gleam in the eyes hidden behind stringy hair.

Steve’s continuing refusal to force Barnes to get therapy is _infuriating_. Frankly, Barnes is a bomb waiting to go off, and Tony certainly doesn’t want to be within the blast radius when it does.

Finally, there’s the clanking sound of hurried footsteps on the ramp, and Steve and Sam barge into the Quinjet.

Immediately, Steve’s gaze zeroes in to Tony. “Iron Man, you can stand down. You’re not on the team today.”

“ _What?!_ ” Tony asks incredulously.

Steve straightens and looks at Tony as though he’s a stranger. Cold, forbidding. Tony’s hand creeps up to the middle of his chest unconsciously.

“You’ve hardly slept in the last week, and your head is not in the game. Sam didn’t want to say anything, but the admitted it when I confronted him. You’re a liability like this, Tony. Go and get some rest. You’re benched for this mission.”

Sam avoids Tony’s eyes.

Tony barely manages to stagger off board before the Quinjet lifts off.


	3. Sam Wilson: Friend vs. Councilor #3

**What would happen**

  
Steve slants an incredulous look at Sam when a voice on TV rises in what can only be described as a wail. “ _That_ is supposed to be entertaining? Or music? You must be kidding.”

Sam grins easily. “Hey, don’t diss the multitude of singing contests on reality TV these days, man. At least the last two contestants could carry a tune in a bucket.”

“Sure,” Steve mutters, “in a _leaky_ bucket, maybe.”

Sam breaks down in guffaws, but gets serious again far too soon. “Steve, we have to talk. About Stark. And Bucky.”

Steve sighs, sobered. “I know. As much as I understand why Tony’s wary in Bucky’s presence, things can’t go on like this. The Starks’ deaths weren’t Bucky’s fault, and Tony can’t seem to accept that. I thought he was doing better in therapy with you?”

“Honestly, Stark needs more intensive therapy than I can provide. He needs time off in a safe environment, with mental health professionals who can give him one hundred percent of their attention. He hardly sleeps, and when he does, he wakes up multiple times due to franky horrifiying nightmares. Of Siberia, among others.”

Steve flinches. “Sam, I _know_. I made a mistake not telling Tony about his parents. And I should have told T’Challa to send someone for him instead of leaving him behind for 36 hours until Potts managed to scramble an SI security team. I can never make up for that.”

“But have you honestly _tried_?” Sam calmly asks.

“I apologized. And Tony eventually accepted and apologized for what he did, too. We’re good now. But Bucky--“

“Bucky?” Sam prompts.

“Bucky is uncomfortable around Tony. Tony looks at him like he’s a lab experiment.” Steve sneers for a second. “Bucky is a _victim_. He’s still so fragile, and while Tony’s tech managed to overwrite his programming, he still has so many holes in his memory he’s hardly himself, even today. Being around Tony makes him worse. He retreats into himself, and he’s not even the only one.”

“What do you mean?”

“Wanda is horribly subdued whenever she has to spend time in Tony’s presence, too. Honestly, at the moment, Tony is poison for team dynamics.”

Sam sighs. “You’re not wrong. And like I said, Stark needs some time off anyway. Do you know he’s an alcoholic?” At Steve’s grimace, he continues: “Alcoholism is a real disease, Steve, no matter what you think. And Stark is afraid he’ll start drinking again. Then there’s the pressure Potts and SI put him under, daily, and the stress flying that armor puts on his whole body. Stark is in his late forties, Steve. He can’t keep going on like this. Why don’t you pull him aside tonight, tell him he’s a reserve member for the time being, and encourage him to check into a mental health clinic? I’ll give you a list of recommendations. It’ll be for the best.”


	4. Natasha Romanoff: The Black Widow vs. Loyalty #1

**What happens**

  
After Natasha’s first attempt to talk to Tony fails (she waylaid him in the Compound’s garage, leaning against his favorite car when she knew he had to leave for a meeting with Ross - the Commander, not the General -), she resolves to wait a while longer. 

Some wounds only heal with time, after all. She never wants to talk again to a Tony who’s coldly polite and distant, who refuses to respond in kind to her bickering, and treats her as though she’s a stranger. 

Outwardly, he looks better these days. Barely shadows under his eyes, always impeccably groomed and dressed, generally more relaxed looking with a looser posture. Unless he’s interacting with Steve, of course, but that’s hardly surprising. 

Unfortunately, their relationship shows no sign of improving over the next couple of days. Tony refuses to have breakfast with the rest of the team in the communal area, he doesn’t show up for any group activities, and whenever they are called on a mission, he’s the first to leave after. Their access to SI’s network has been severely limited, too, Natasha notices. Friday still answers the Avengers’ questions, but she’s been noticeably cooler and less helpful. None of them can enter Tony’s workshop. 

After two weeks, she deems it’s been long enough. Natasha manages to be present the next time Ms. Potts arrives with paperwork for Tony to sign. Sorted into piles for easier signing, it’s awkward for one person to carry. 

She prepares to pick up the first couple of stacks, an offer to help him bring it all to his workshop already on her lips. Tony shoulders her away roughly. Natasha stumbles in surprise. 

“I’m afraid, Ms. Romanoff, that these papers are confidential and for Boss’ eyes only,” Friday interjects. 

“Seriously, Tony, don’t you think you’re overdoing this? You’re angry at me; _I get it_.” Natasha spits. This is getting ridiculous. By now, it’s really time Tony got over his fit of pique and accepted that they’d all made mistakes and were doing their best to make up for them. “Stop making everything worse!” 

“You must be joking, Romanoff. When you stuck me with that needle on dear old Nick’s orders after weeks of playing at being my PA, I should have realized you’re a gifted liar who doesn’t give a shit about me as a person. I was stupid to believe you could ever be loyal to me,” Tony growls, his eyes wild. “But I’d be even more stupid if I ever let you close to me again, to my friends, to my company. I want you to stay away from me. You’ve betrayed me for the last time.” 

Natasha leaves without a word. Like the saying goes, tomorrow will be another day.


	5. Natasha Romanoff: The Black Widow vs. Loyalty #2

**What Tony imagines happening**

  
It's three months into Rogers' Avengers' sojourn into Wakanda when Tony gets ambushed by two (mostly unpleasant) surprises. 

First of all, he is summoned to the next board meeting by the majority of the stockholders who want an explanation as to why a rival phone company's newly released model already offers most of the features SI has advertised for the next Starkphone. Tony fumes and has to conclude that the reason is industrial espionage. Someone got into the less well guarded part of his personal server. The Iron Man specs should still be safe (something Friday later confirms), but someone with access to his workshop – Tony has his suspicions as to who that 'someone' is – copied much of his R&D data. 

Say, someone on the run who needed money. 

Secondly, he's visited by the ghost of S.H.I.E.L.D. past in form of a certain one-eyed pirate who tells him to call _another_ undead agent walking. So Coulson's alive. Tony shouldn't even be surprised. 

Somehow, hearing that Natasha and Clint _knew_ Agent had survived the Chitauri attack comes as much less of a surprise. 

Tony and Coulson work well together. With (and against) Ross, the UN, and Wakanda. 

Interacting with so many ex-S.H.I.E.L.D. agents on an almost daily basis means Tony doesn't have enough resolve to fight Natasha's attempts at gaining his forgiveness when the Widow returns to the Compound four weeks after the others. 

At first she's frustrated with the lengths he's willing to go to in order to keep them all at a distance, but things get better after they've yelled at each other. 

Tony keeps avoiding her for another two weeks. Friday helps. Until midnight finds him in the Compound's kitchen, sweaty and still shaking from a nightmare about the portal, and Natasha presses hot chocolate on him, and _listens_. 

So _their_ relationship gets back on track. Making peace with the others is harder, but Natasha rides herd on them (they apologize, and even seem to mean it). 

A couple of years later, Tony's entirely surprised when, following a call to Assemble, he encounters only Natasha. She smiles at him, and then he's on the floor, the electricity from the Widow's Bites still buzzing along his nerves. 

She leans down to him. “I'm sorry, Tony. I need all your information on Extremis as well as a live sample of the virus. An old friend of mine will die without it. Ever since the Civil War, you guard your inventions far too well. I know Extremis kept you from dying after Siberia, and now it will do the same for my friend. I promise we'll release you after. Trust me.” She strokes his face.


	6. Natasha Romanoff: The Black Widow vs. Loyalty #3

**What would happen**

  
Steve finds Natasha crying on the sofa early in the morning. Well, 'crying' is certainly a misrepresentation; the Black Widow doesn't cry. Ever. 

At least that's what she insists on after snatching Steve's handkerchief and wiping her face. 

Steve is so glad she's back. Things with Tony (and Vision, and Rhodes) are still shaky, even now, and due to everything that happened he didn't really miss them in Wakanda, but Natasha he _did_ miss. She's the best trainer he knows (Wanda can attest to that, he thinks), he can rely on her always keeping a cool, balanced head, she's the most diplomatic of the team, and she has a way of _listening_ that has Steve helped gain perspective on multiple occasions. 

Also, she seems to be the only one of the old Avengers who's made any headway in getting back to a semblance of camaraderie with Tony. These days, the other man prefers to hide in his workshop, even going so far as putting it as well as his 'private area' on lockdown whenever he's not at the Compound. Said 'area' includes Steve's favorite gym. Steve is beyond fed up with Tony's childishness. 

“What happened, Natasha?” he asks, concerned. 

Natasha's account is uncommonly muddled for the poised, precise person she is, but Steve soon manages to get the gist. 

“Tony,” he growls and gets up, setting out for the workshop. 

Natasha follows him and tries to defuse his anger at their resident billionaire - like the good teammate she is – but Steve refuses to listen. She must realize that getting him to stop is impossible, and so she keys in her access code into the doors to Tony's workshop, but grabs his arm before he can enter. “Tony didn't mean to,” she pleads earnestly. “Take him somewhere he won't be so defensive. Where Friday won't interfere. Thank him again for Bucky's arm. The two of you can get over this, I know you can.” 

Steve's smile at her is a bit of a grimace. She's an optimist, but he owes it to her to try. Again. 

So he drags Tony to the zen garden originally intended for Bruce, sits him down and tries to mend their bridges. He's only semi-successful, but nonetheless he feels accomplished when they re-enter the building. Tony's almost smiling at him, at least. 

A handful of months later, all attempts to make up with Tony end up for naught when Tony goes crazy during the evening news and tries to kill Natasha. Steve is forced to knock him out and hand him over to the men sent by Phil Coulson, Tony's mad screech of, “You stole my designs for 'Archangel' and gave them to Fury, didn't you?” still ringing in his ears. The news report was on some kind of silent and invisible weapon a villain set off in one of those 'inhuman' settlements that have been cropping up all over the world. Thankfully S.H.I.E.L.D. has been dealing with the 'inhuman' problem so far, leaving the Avengers to focus on other opponents. 

Steve fears it might just be a question of time. He shudders to think how too many enhanced individuals who see themselves as better than the people around them might impact the world.


	7. Clint Barton: Hawkeye vs. Anger Management #1

**What happens**

  
Clint storms into the kitchen where all the others (well, all the others minus _Stark_ ) are having breakfast. Steve's cooking bacon, Wanda's handling the eggs, and Natasha's cutting up something healthy. 

They all turn to stare at him, though, and Clint wonders if he looks half as deranged as he feels. 

“Do you know what happened?” He yells. 

Natasha drops knife and greenery and steps towards him, her hands out. 

He has to ball his hands to fists in order not to throw a punch into her direction. _Natasha_ doesn't deserve his anger. No, that's reserved for someone else. 

“Clint, calm down. What _did_ happen that has you so out of sorts?” Natasha's using her 'calming the crazy' tone and Clint--Clint just wants to... 

“Leave me alone, Tash.” He ducks out from underneath her hands and stares at the others. 

“I got served. At the asscrack of dawn.” He pulls a creased letter from his back pocket and waves it around. Natasha neatly snags it out of his hand and starts to read it. 

Clint watches her, how her face falls slowly, until she looks up at him in disbelief. “They are-- they are _retiring_ you?!” 

_”What?”_ Steve interjects and tries to reach for the letter, too, but Natasha moves it out of the way. 

“Our 'Accords Liaison' has informed me that since I retired before this whole mess and everyone signed off on it, now that the business with Thanos is concluded, I can consider myself re-retired again,” Clint spits. 

He pivots around and punches the nearest kitchen cupboard. Hard. Wood splinters. Everything else is silent. 

Wanda's at his side in a heartbeat and cradles his bleeding, hurting hand. 

“You think Stark did this,” she whispers to him. Clint can only nod while the others gather around him with the first aid kit, frozen peas, and sympathy respectively. 

“We should put it to a vote,” Steve says resolutely. “It's still our team. They don't get to make decisions as to our line-up.” 

“That's exactly what we were afraid of,” Sam exclaims. 

“Hold your horses, guys,” Lang interjects. “While such decisions actually are _not_ reglemented in the Accords, we can only go over our liaison's head if--” He breaks off with a choked sound. Clint lets out a wild giggle because he's betting that Natasha stepped on his foot. 

“It would require an unanimous vote by all the active Avengers,” she says. Her voice is calm, but Clint... Clint knows. They won't get Stark's support, and without it, they'll never get Rhodes' or Vision's. He's screwed. 

He can't _think_. Now that Laura doesn't want to see him, and he doesn't have the farm, doesn't have S.H.I.E.L.D., he can't imagine losing the people around him as well. What is he supposed to _do_?


	8. Clint Barton: Hawkeye vs. Anger Management #2

**What Tony imagines happening**

  
Even half a year after Clint's reinstatement to the Avengers (that the team unanimously voted in favor of, and Tony convinced the US Representative to the UN, her Excellency Eleanor Vasquez, to accept), Tony still feels wary around the archer. 

He hardly expected Clint to hug him in thanks, but a small acknowledgment would have been nice nonetheless. Instead, Clint's chosen to find fault with the stipulations that accompanied his unretirement. Being on what essentially amounts to probation is apparently a huge blow to his pride, and since the mandated therapy requires him only to attend a certain number of sessions instead of having his shrink write an evaluation of some sort at the end, Clint has decided to maintain an sullen silence over letting any actual _therapy_ happen. 

Laura is at the end of her rope. She's found an ally in Friday who's been helping her research divorce laws and compile a shortlist of possible lawyers. She yearns to return to the farm. 

Tony hasn't attempted to hinder them, but he also hasn't tried to help. He feels conflicted. Clint _loves_ his family. He has _kids_. The three mini-Bartons shouldn't have to lose a parent. 

But Laura? Laura is a class act, and she deserves better. 

These days, Clint is always short and aggressive when he has to interact with Tony. Gone are the days they could spend hours binge-watching their favorite tv series, or tease Steve over his unwillingness to adapt to the 21st century. 

Iron Man still provides air support for Hawkeye, and Hawkeye still provides cover for Iron Man wherever he can. But outside missions they're... not enemies exactly, but far from friends. Clint's decision to follow Steve's lead in treating Wanda like she's too fragile to face any kind of criticism whatsoever doesn't help. 

They're not doing the young Sokovian girl any favors, Tony thinks. But he's given up trying to convince anyone of that. It's not as though they'd listen. 

Until a mission to Brazil goes pear-shaped. They fight some weird serpent cult in a location far too close to civilization, and, long story short, an airborne venom is released. Wanda shields the team, but doesn't account for the civilians nearby. Varying states of paralysis are the result, with fifteen people dying due to asphyxiation. 

Eleanor calls Tony and warns him. Tony decides to avoid the confrontation that'll pop up with the arrival of the process server, and hides in SI's R&D department instead. When he emerges half a day later, the worst of the fireworks are over. Wanda gets sent to Xavier Institute in Salem Center, New York, to learn to control her magic and - wonder of wonders - actually packs her bags and leaves on the Quinjet sent by the school. 

But the atmosphere inside the Compound gets even more icy. Somehow, Steve and his friends hold Tony solely responsible for the Accords Committee's decision, and let him feel how much they disapprove. 

Tony quickly gets tired of it and is contemplating moving to the West Coast full-time and joining Colonel Danvers' team out there. 

Before he can do that, though, there's another mission. They fight gigantic squids at the waterfront when one of Hawkeye's shots doesn't hit the jiggling cephalopod behind Tony, but impacts with the suit's right shoulder. It's not like it'll do more than scratch the paintjob. Tony sets on to make a quip over the comms that either Clint's famous markmanship or his eyesight seems to be suffering when his HUD goes dark and most of his systems shut off with a sizzle. He freefalls. 

_Dammit, Clint, how could you mistake an EMP arrow for an exploding one?_ Tony would like to ask when he hears a yell over the comms. 

"How do you like _that_ , Stark? Break your back, you fucker. It's only poetic fucking justice!" 

The HUD will restart any second now. One, two, thr--


	9. Clint Barton: Hawkeye vs. Anger Management #3

**What would happen**

  
"You know that Clint got served today, right?" Wanda's question is subdued. Steve jerks up. 

"What is is _this time_?" He asks with a groan. "Didn't I say that the Accords would tie our hands? All those resolutions, decisions and regulations they choose to bombard us with are, frankly, a _shame_. Bureaucrats. None of them have ever seen combat, and yet they want to--" 

Wanda interrupts him... which she's never done before. "The papers weren't sent by the UN. It's worse. They were sent by Clint's _wife_. He got served with divorce papers." 

Steve hears her words, but it's like he's numb for a second. He can't act, can't speak. Is there no end to the suffering inflicted on the people who once chose to be loyal to him? How can the world be so cruel? 

Finally, he can breathe again, grasps for words. "Laura? Laura wouldn't do that. Not with Lila, Cooper and Nathaniel in the balance. They need their father. Laura knows that." 

"Laura is currently icing a nice shiner," a cool voice interjects. Natasha. How she manages to enter a room without making a sound is something Steve has always admired, even though it leads to a lot of startlement. 

Steve is once again speechless - as is Wanda -, but Natasha seems to read his mind. "Laura tried to talk with Clint about his therapy sessions. Clint overreacted to what he saw as criticism and slapped her. Lila was there and saw it all. Laura threw Clint out of the appartment and immediately called her lawyer. Apparently the divorce papers have been prepared for a good while, but Laura couldn't stomach sending them. Until today." Natasha sounds uninvolved, almost bored during her recitation, but Steve sees how white the knuckles of her hand are where she's gripping the doorframe. She's always been close to Clint's family. This must be hurting her almost as much as the archer. 

"Did you try to convince her to give him another chance?" Steve asks her. Domestic violence is a terrible thing. But Clint isn't an abusive man, and Steve's certain that he's already torturing himself with guilt. Not only for hitting Laura, but for exposing his daughter to such a horrifying display of temper. Clint has always been quick to react emotionally. That's just how he is, and frankly, Steve prefers a man wearing his emotions on his sleeve to one who hides them under a practiced smile. 

The conditions for Clint's reinstatement were unfair. Sam likes to emphasize how little use there is to therapy if the patient doesn't seek it for himself, and forcing Clint's family to move into the Compound to 'help him acclimatize' has always felt like a pitiful attempt by the Accords people to control the archer. 

"Laura wouldn't have been prepared to hear it. Apparently she's asked FRIDAY to research anger management classes run in the area," Natasha adds. "She had flyers with phone numbers, contact names and meeting times. Clint must have felt blindsided. But that doesn't excuse what he did." 

"If FRIDAY's involved, then Stark is, too," Wanda says. 

Steve would like to disagree, but Wanda's assessment makes sense. Ever since their clash over the Accords, Tony and Clint have been at odds. Perhaps Clint has been a bit unfair on occasion, but it's not like Tony doesn't give as good as he gets. Their last disagreement over what does and does not constitute proper training on the archery range has been epic, and Steve was on the verge of asking for popcorn when finally Tony conceded defeat and left, muttering angrily, while Clint took a mocking bow to the sound of Natasha's slow applause. 

"Stark shouldn't interfere in things that don't concern him," Wanda says resolutely. Natasha looks torn, but Steve nods approvingly.


	10. Scott Lang: Being unknown vs. being famous #1

**1\. What happens**

  
Scott spends their first night back on US soil in a state of barely suppressed excitement. Sleep is impossible; he's much too nervous – and thrilled! - to manage to switch off his brain for so long. He's back home! He'll finally see Cassie again! 

That is, if she _wants_ to see him. And if Maggie and Paxton will even let her see him. 

Those two thoughts manage to put a damper onto his good mood, and he feels reminded of those last months in Wakanda when the only thing he wanted to do was hide in his room and sleep the day away. 

That's when their team spirit had started to crumble overall, anyway. Everyone had drifted to doing their own thing, and team dinner in the evening had soon become the only time they all spent together. 

Scott had... well, he had somehow fallen through the cracks, with no pre-established bonds to anyone, so they'd all... kind of forgotten about him, maybe? 

Anyway, these days, sadly Scott's disillusionment _way_ outweighs his hero-worship. 

He's even started to overthink his instinctual rejection of Stark and everything he stood for, which also meant the Accords. Insomnia plus gigantic tv in his room equals endless news reports, and, honestly, quite a lot of open slamming of Captain America's reputation (including by that shark-like blonde from WHIH). 

Scott's known he made a mistake in following Steve to Germany almost as soon as he had some time to think about his actions. Later, he should have tried to contact Hope, perhaps even Hank – heck, perhaps even Tony Stark! - instead of listening to his new teammates discussing how soon the world would ask them to come back. Well, it has finally done so, sure, but Scott's spent a year in the most technologically advanced country _in the world_... and away from his daughter. 

So when they're herded into a meeting room directly after breakfast the next morning, he ignores the bureaucrat motioning them towards a table and instead makes a beeline for the face he immediately recognizes. “Hope!” He beams at her, but doesn't try to go for a hug. Hope's face doesn't look like the brunette would welcome it. 

She's wearing the Wasp suit, wings retracted, minus the helmet, and her hair is different – gone is the bob. The pixie cut suits her, but makes her look very severe. She nods at him, unsmiling. “Mr. Lang.” 

“What?” He exclaims. “Hope, it's me. I'm back!” 

“So I see,” she says, and looks over to Stark. The man's surrounded by a black guy in a wheelchair, a beefy bodyguard and the creepy-looking Android dude. They share a nod. Hope then grabs Scott's arm and pulls him to the side. He stares at her, eager to hear what she wants to say to him in private. 

“I've talked it over with dad, and I'm taking the Ant-Man suit back. You've proven you can't be trusted to use it responsibly.” 

Hope isn't smiling. This isn't a joke, Scott realizes with a growing sense of horror.


	11. Scott Lang: Being unknown vs. being famous #2

**2\. What Tony imagines**

  
Friday is allowing him to watch Pepper's confrontation with the Avengers (including Lang) at the Compound, and Tony is glad she deems him stable enough. 

Admittedly, he'd been a pro at hiding how bad it had gotten from Dr. S, and siccing a newly-informed Friday on him as well as booking almost daily appointments for him with another psychiatrist better able to fit him in might have been... harsh, but Pepper? Pepper knows him, and Tony knows, _knows_ , that she's not doing it to be a bitch – no matter what he accused her of in the heat of the moment. 

The situation escalated so much he managed to get about an hour of sleep per night, and despite the nightmares (and Tony's subconscious _does_ have a plethora of bad memories to choose from) it had never been quite that bad before. 

Tony ended up more or less barricaded in his workshop with the security protocols set up so high that Friday – despite her relative youth and inexperience – finally didn't know what else to do than call Pepper for help. 

In hindsight, Tony can admit that welding shut the air vents in order to keep out any... visitors... might have been more than a little concerning (and stupid, and suicidal). But as Dr. Fennhoff emphasizes again and again, a bout of anxiety disorder with a side dish of extreme paranoia is neither unexpected nor uncommon in his situation, although apparently as a superhero he's at least unprecedented as to the _source_ of anxiety his illness decided to latch onto. 

He focuses back on the video feed from the Compound's conference room. 

Pepper is just saying coolly: “His reasons are none of your concern, Mr. Rogers. Mr. Stark has decided to take a leave of absence from the Avengers and to remain at another one of SI's properties for the time being. I'm sure Friday will be happy to take any messages you want to leave him. It is up to Mr. Stark to contact you if – or when – he intends to return.” 

The resulting pandemonium would be heart-warming if it were motivated by care for his well-being, Tony thinks cynically. Instead the reactions range from indignation to smugness to disdain. If he weren't already in psychologial treatment, the indifference of his so-called 'friends' (or at least teammates) might drive him into crisis. 

As it is, though, he's simply glad he asked Vision to accompany Pepper. Because when the air around Wanda's fingers acquires a certain reddish tinge, Vision puts his hand on her arm, and the girl's magic sputters out in an instant. Pepper's gaze is on the interaction of the two, cold and opaque, and so her knowledge of Tony's mental state remains a secret from the other Avengers. 

Lang has chosen to sit between Sam and Steve and keeps looking unconcerned as though the whole meeting, to him, is just a nuisance. He doesn't laugh maniacally, twirl his non-existent mustache, or generally appear as though he's enraged over a nefarious scheme of his being stumped. He's not in the Ant-Man suit. 

Dr. Fennhoff is right. Being afraid of him was just Tony's illness coloring his perception. 

“Turn it off, Fri,” Tony asks with a sigh. 

Oh, he still _is_ afraid of Lang getting into his lab, but Tony's workshop in the Tower is several levels more secure (and its defenses far more thorough), Vision has agreed to join the old Avengers for a while despite his reservations about staying in Wanda's proximity, Tadashi has been installed at the Compound in order to stay on top of video surveillance, and Tony has meetings set up with both Hope and her father as well as a new player on the scene going by the name of “Dr. Strange”. Tony doesn't like magic. Undoubtedly, though, it is real (just take Wanda), and using magic against someone being able to turn _sub-atomic_ might be the only way to go. 

Hopefully, this will be enough to combat his anxiety. He turns away and fumbles out the pills. They make it hard to think, and everything feels like it's lined with cotton wool. He hasn't been able to work on anything new for two weeks, and the thought burns. 

He hopes Dr. Fennhoff agrees to scale down his meds soon just as he promised.


	12. Scott Lang: Being unknown vs. being famous #3

**3\. What would happen**

  
They're in the middle of a training session when everything goes to hell. 

Steve decided to pair up Tony with Scott. Yes, Scott can be a bit... much... when he's in what Clint calls 'fanboy mode', but Tony needs to be able to work with everyone of them, not just the ones he gets along with (although, Steve admits a little shame-facedly to himself, at the moment those people are limited to Rhodes and Vision, Sam who is friendly with anyone, and occasionally Natasha). 

Steve originally had hopes that Tony and Scott would click just like Tony did with Bruce, and both their resident scientists' dispositions would improve. He was even set to support all-nighters in the labs, scientific jargon thrown around in abundance, and so if it made both men smile? Scott has lost so much in following Steve in Leipzig. His little girl is growing up with almost zero interaction with her father, and that is just _wrong_. And Tony has been so visibly depressed ever since their sides clashed that Steve is, frankly, at his wits' end. 

But Tony seems to be wary of Scott. Which is strange, because he appears to be on perfectly good terms with Scott's mentor Dr. Pym and his elegant, yet stand-offish daughter who's also a superhero now. She has joined the West Coast Avenger under that female Air Force officer who's also Vision's new team leader. 

Now that he thinks about it, Vision's rash departure for Los Angeles might have also been a contributing factor to Wanda's breakdown. 

Because that's what happens: Wanda enters the training room. She'd been excused due to her having a headache, with strict instructions to rest, and now she _floats_ in, surrounded and carried by a red mist. 

Everyone turns to her, dismayed and disturbed by varying degrees, and even Steve has to admit he feels more than a little disconcerted. Wanda's control over her powers isn't the greatest, and emotional upheaval tends to give her an extra push towards instability. It's not her fault. But Steve isn't in the mood for the ruffled feathers he'll have to soothe in the aftermath. 

He calls out to her, and when she looks over at him, her eyes are a solid red. He instinctually recoils. 

But his moment of inattention costs them. 

There is a whooshing sound from his left, and he sees from the corner of his eyes that Scott grows into a giant more or less instantly. 

Then there's the sound of an enormous impact – meaty and metallic at the same time. 

Wanda smiles, slowly. Like a cat that got the cream. 

Steve turns to his left and wishes he hadn't. Tony is a smear on the wall, barely identifiable as human, shards of red-and-gold intermingled with another, deeper red, pink, and white. On the side, the Iron Man helmet is still in motion, rolling, until it's finally lying still. 

Everthing is silent until Scott screams.


	13. Wanda Maximoff: Reality vs. wishful thinking #1

**What happens**

  
When Wanda takes the papers the process server shoved at her before beating a hasty retreat, there's already a queasy feeling in her stomach. Paperwork from the UN is _never_ good news, as Clint can attest to. 

Well, Clint fought the UN's decision to force him to retire, and won. Wanda has no intention of knuckling down, either. 

The papers in the envelope bear the letterhead of that snooty brown 'liaison' woman, Vasquez, but are written in the dense English Clint contemptuously calls 'legalese'. Wanda's going to need help with that. 

As much as she'd prefer to shred the envelope with all its contents and pretend she never got it, she knows better. Once they'd returned from Wakanda, Stark's keeper, the Potts woman, sent a stuck-up brunette from SI's legal department to give a lecture to Wanda as to what having signed the New Accords _meant_. Her legal rights and protections, her obligations and responsibilities. 

Also, Wanda would rather know what the UN has come up with in regard to her rather than remain in the dark. It rankles, however, that her grasp of written English is not sufficient to read that missive on her own. She can decipher that it's about something called “Xavier Institute”, but that's it. 

Hydra's focus was mainly on developing and training her gift. Weapons training, unarmed combat, survival skills and infiltration were next. Of course, they also taught her and Pietro German, Russian, English, Spanish and Japanese – enough that Wanda can speak them all fluently. Not enough, however, to wade through 'legalese'. 

Who to pick? She hesitates. 

Steve is nice and supportive, but no matter how he acts, he's _not_ her father. Her father's _dead_. 

And Wanda is no longer a little girl. 

Normally, she'd ask Vision, but Vision... Vision has _left_. 

He refused to _talk to her_. She apologized. More times than she can count. She didn't _want_ to hurt him. Not physically and certainly not emotionally. She didn't know she _could_. 

Pietro always hid after she'd snapped at him, and left her alone until she was willing to apologize. Then they made up. Pietro's hugs and kisses were _the best_. 

But Pietro is gone. 

And if Steve is out, and Vision is out, Wanda can pick either Wilson, Clint, or Natasha. Or that pathetic loser, Lang. 

Wanda is still uncomfortable around the Falcon. She's been taught that black people are inferior, and although she's tried to overcome that part of her teachings (Steve says Wilson is an Avenger like the others. And he _is_.), being close to him still makes her uncomfortable. And Clint? Clint is too volatile. Her trainers would have worked on his self-control like... Wanda shivers. Like they did on hers. Until she could at least convincingly _pretend_ that she was calm and composed. Unless it was about Stark. 

Then, and only then, Wanda was allowed to get angry. It helped. 

That leaves Natasha. 

Natasha's been a little too... withdrawn lately, anyway. Wanda thinks Steve and Clint would appreciate it if their little spider showed a bit more solidarity and spent less time watching Stark. 

Natasha it is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It should be clear without saying, but for safety's sake: Wanda's racist thoughts to _not_ reflect the author's opinion. Spending 15 years in a Hydra cell is bound to have an influence... even though canon pretends once she's on the Avengers, Wanda is instantly free of their toxic ideas.


	14. Wanda Maximoff: Reality vs. wishful thinking #2

**What Tony imagines**

  
When Eleanor asked Tony how to proceed regarding Wanda, Tony was torn, but in the end, he advised her to give Wanda a chance. A chance to get her feet under herself instead of sending her away to be somebody else's problem. 

He advocated Xavier mailing her an invitation to attend his school instead. To give Wanda a choice. 

Tony still feels guilty for how he handled the situation about Wanda's visa, and how his decision caused Clint and Wanda to attack Vision, and has now led to Vision deliberating whether or not to extend his stay in Los Angeles by joining Carol's team for good. 

Personally, Tony doesn't think he and the young Sokovian girl will ever become friends (or at least friendly teammates), but that's no reason Vision's first romantic attachment should crash and burn. 

Tony was the person who signed off on the particular version of a smart bomb designed by SI and sold to NATO that killed Wanda's parents during the Kosovo War (okay, strictly speaking that was Stane, but Tony allowed the board to nominate Stane as SI's CFO during that time, so in the end it's still down to him). 

Wanda's resentment might not be all that well-thought out (or rational), and she's definitely no longer a kid by anybody's count, but he gets the gist of what Steve tries to convey when he argues along those lines. 

Wanda is... kind of naïve, and innocent, and deserves a brighter future than always being measured by her past affiliation with Hydra. 

(Tony's mind shies away from the catastrophe that was Ultron. And what Wanda might or might not have done. He _deserves_ the world's condemnation for Sokovia. He _does_. It's only fair.) 

So he attempts to stay out of Wanda's way at the Compound. He tries not to feel hurt by her obvious dislike. He does his best to curb his tongue whenever Steve or Clint coddle Wanda, and he tries to control his instinctive flinch whenever he sees her using her magic, be it in the field or in the Compound. Her magic – however it might have come into existence – is now part of her, and it's normal that she'd attempt to discover what it can and cannot do in a safe environment. 

(Even though her using it during team dinners ruins his appetite.) 

He has a talk with Vision when the android returns to the Compound for a visit over the anniversary of Edwin Jarvis' death. Vision's loyalty means a lot to him. Their relationship is not uncomplicated due to how Vision came into being and he'll never acknowledge it out loud, but he thinks of Vision as a son. 

And as such, he wants him to be happy. 

Vision doesn't need much convincing. 

Unfortunately, while Wanda and Vision make a cute couple, it doesn't last. Wanda's just too immature. She leaves for Xavier's school years later, of her own volition, and her stay there helps her tremendously.

Vision? Vision nurses a broken heart. Upon Wanda's return, they try again. And Tony hopes for the best.


	15. Wanda Maximoff: Reality vs. wishful thinking #3

**What would happen**

  
Steve can't help but step lightly in Natasha's presence. He's not a fan of being ambushed in his quarters and being told he should stop 'infantilizing' a teammate. 

He couldn't bring himself to shout at Natasha's increasing ludicrous accusations, though, and so he sat through her entire tirade, telling himself that Natasha was just out of sorts due to the tensions among their team, and that everything would get better once she saw how much Wanda was trying. 

And no, he didn't push for Wanda to join the Avengers as a precursor to bringing in Bucky. _Of course_ he's always dreamt of having Bucky by his side again, but Bucky's his _best friend_. He wants to atone for what Hydra made him do, and Steve knew Wanda wanted the same. They both needed help in putting their pasts behind them and using their skills for good instead of evil. And neither one of them has let him down. 

Even Tony – and his precious UN – have finally accepted that. The talk of sending Wanda to that mutant school is finally off the table. Frankly, it's the least Tony could do. 

So he lets Wanda stand up a little more for herself and has a serious talk with Vision via that video conference thing instead. 

Vision promises to return to the Compound and give the Avengers another chance. He doesn't look too thrilled when Steve emphasizes how much Wanda's missed him, but Steve is sure that everything will work itself out. 

Steve doesn't know what makes Natasha back off in the end, but he's grateful. 

He could live without the confrontation in the kitchen, instead. 

Vision's cooking something with Wanda, Sam and Tony helping. None of the others are present. Wanda's flirting up a storm, but Vision's rebuffing her again and again. It's painful to watch. 

Finally, Wanda's self-control snaps and she lets out an inarticulate sound of frustration as well as a _burst_ of red energy. Tony drops a bowl and cowers against the wall. That's when Vision grips Wanda by the biceps and _yells_ in her face. Steve didn't even _know_ the android could get angry. 

“Cease your attempts to make me play along with your charade that nothing happened, Miss Maximoff! You showed me what your friendship was worth when you took control of my body and sent me crashing through almost twenty floors of this very building. Stop trying to force me to return your regard when, in return, you cannot even _pretend_ to be civil to the man who is, for all intents and purposes, my father.” 

Vision's look towards Tony makes it clear who he means. The delighted smile growing on Tony's face is like the sun. 

Wanda leans against the wall and puts shaking hands to her temples before muttering something about a headache and fleeing to her room. 

Steve sighs and enters the kitchen. Clearly, asking Vision to come here was a mistake. 

Well, it's not like he can't send him back to Los Angeles. They have a training session the android's not invited to. He wants to see how Iron Man and Ant Man can work together.


	16. Steve Rogers: Self-delusion vs. the real world #1

**What happens**

  
Steve enters the conference room at the Avengers Compound together with Bucky, Sam, Clint, Wanda, Natasha and Scott. They feel like a honor guard. He's so proud he still has their support. 

The room is already half full. Steve counts Tony, Rhodes, Vision, the anti-terrorist guy from Berlin, and two strangers - a woman and a man. The severe-looking woman appears to be Hispanic and in her fifties, the man several years younger with dark, curly hair and a beard. He's wearing a... honestly, is that a _cape_? Steve stares. 

No one is getting up, no one is smiling. 

Rhodes is in a wheelchair. Tony is dressed in a black suit and looks at them as though they're strangers. 

Steve falters. Suddenly, he doesn't feel quite as confident as a moment ago. 

The door behind them opens again and disgorges a tall blonde woman in an Air Force uniform surrounded by four men in tactical gear. Steve goes on high alert. The numbers are laughable, but anything's possible. He turns around and shoots a reproachful look at Tony. Tony, however, isn't looking his way. He's smiling at the blonde, greeting her with a wave and a friendly exclamation of "Captain Miraculous! Welcome to the show!". She just rolls her eyes, smiles and says: "It's Major Danvers, actually. How about we all sit down, Mr. Rogers?" 

Frankly, Steve would prefer to talk to another blonde, but Sharon doesn't seem to be around. He lets the general movement towards the tables push him into a seat before he registers that the major failed to address him by his rank. 

Before he can remind her, the Latina speaks up with enough authority that everyone falls silent. "Welcome. My name is Eleanor Vasquez, and I am the US Representative to the United Nations. The correct address is either 'Madame Ambassador' or 'Your Excellency'. I have also been appointed the Accords Liaison to the New Avengers. This is our preliminary first meeting to address the pending signing of the New Accords by your faction." She nods at Steve. "I presume that all of you have read the re-worked Accords and have made note of any issues you may have with them?" 

Steve sighs internally. The Accords. Again, with the Accords. He has to admit that at least the new version is significantly better than the old one as far as he can tell from the summary given to him by Sam and Natasha the evening before. 

They still sound too much like an attempt by paper-pushers and politicians to influence the Avengers' decisions in the field to him. Honestly, facing one so-called 'World Security Council' has been more than enough for him. In Steve's experience, the higher one rises in the world of politics, the more one sells out his morals and spurns his responsibility to the very people who once gave him the right to speak for them. 

As long as every hero listens to their own conscience, an artificial construct like the Accords will be, at best, superfluous, and at worst, a hindrance. 

Well, in the long run, that Vasquez woman will learn that the Avengers are much more effective if she keeps her interference to a minimum. 

Steve only keeps listening with half an ear. Sam or Natasha will tell him later if there's anything he should be concerned about. Instead, he tries to get Tony to make eye contact, but the other man never even looks in his direction. 

Until the blonde major gets up and says, calm as you please: "After extensive deliberations with Dr. Stark's team, we have come to the agreement that the newly re-united Avengers shall be under the command of myself, with Colonel Rhodes as my 2IC. Mr. Rogers, you are relieved."


	17. Steve Rogers: Self-delusion vs. the real world #2

**What Tony imagines happening**

  
"...expendable?" 

"Don't answer that," Steve's JAG lawyer says sharply. 

Steve's mouth snaps shut. 

Tony doesn't care. The whole proceedings as well as the attendees feel distant and dreamlike. Fury is a dark shadow two tables over. Carol's blond hair gleams. Everett Ross and his collection of suits are just background. The rims of Eleanor's glasses flash in a stray ray of sunlight. Vision feels like a wall at his back. He wishes Pepper were here. He wishes-- 

"Let me summarize," Eleanor says. "You split up your available team into three units, Captain Rogers. Your two snipers, Sergeant Barnes and Agent Barton, both entered alone with orders to find higher ground on opposite ends of the building and get eyes on the terrorists. You sent Miss Maximoff - along with Agent Romanoff for protection - through the service entrance on the ground floor so she'd be able to get close enough to the supervillain identified as 'Nitro' to stop him from exploding." 

The words wash over Tony. He knows he'll never forgive himself for not having been there. 

He'd been in Afghanistan, back in Gulmira. The school he'd built in Yinsen's name had been destroyed, and he'd been there to help. The Ten Rings had known exactly where to hit to hurt him, make him go without much thought or preparation. 

They hadn't managed to shoot down his plane, but they'd been-- in New York, they'd been-- 

He swallows. His eyes burn. He's numb all over. 

Lang had been off to San Francisco to see his daughter. Vision had been in L.A. to test his fit with the West Coast Avengers. 

Rogers had sent in Barnes and Barton with orders to take down any terrorist preparing to kill the hostages, Maximoff and Romanoff had been occupied with keeping Hunter contained (another one of Killian's test subjects, oh God; Tony's betting Aldrich is laughing somewhere in hell). Wilson had already been a hostage at that point. Rhodey, their second flier, had fared better by putting his suit into stealth mode and keeping a wall between himself and the bad guys. 

Then when the terrorist leader threatened to shoot Wilson unless the Avengers gave themselves up, Rogers decided to play for time and-- 

"So you gave orders to Colonel Rhodes to surrender. Despite knowing that the terrorists had identified themselves as members of the Ten Rings organization and soldiers of the 'true' Mandarin who were here to 'annihilate' the 'compatriots of the coward who calls himself Iron Man'." 

Tony almost doesn't hear Rogers' faint "Yes." 

"Despite the fact that Colonel Rhodes' suit is unmistakable and that he was known world-wide as Tony Stark's best friend. Despite the fact that Colonel Rhodes was a non-enhanced person with a serious physical impairment not in possession of an advanced healing factor once outside the suit. The suit he'd have to exit - or at least open - to follow your orders to surrender. Despite the fact that Sergeant Barnes would have been, by anyone's standard, the better choice. Sergeant Barnes, who _does_ have a healing factor, who is _not_ publicly known as a close associate of Tony Stark, was at least by a hundred feet closer and would have, upon pretending to surrender, been a considerable help in any resulting close combat due to his prosthetic arm and his experiences as the Winter Soldier." 

The room is utterly silent. 

"Sergeant Barnes, who is your best friend. Who you decided to keep safe, even if the cost was the life of another member of your team. The life of Colonel Rhodes, to be precise. Colonel Rhodes, who only had to open his faceplate before he was shot in the head and killed."


	18. Steve Rogers: Self-delusion vs. the real world #3

**What would happen**

  
Steve's heart is beating frantically, and he'd be afraid he's having an asthma attack if he didn't know better. Fear - total and utter fear - is choking him. 

"Now there's no reason for such a long face," the woman sitting opposite him on the diner bench remarks. She sneaks part of her muffin underneath the table to her dog. 

Kathy. Her name is Kathleen - "call me Kathy" - Dare. She's claiming to be an ex-girlfriend of Tony's. Typical. 

"So we have a deal?" She asks. 

Steve stares at her, hard. She's a redhead (what else?), in her thirties. Attractive. The clothes and jewelry she's wearing were surely expensive. She doesn't look like what Sam would call a 'bunny boiler'. She's been nothing but calm and rational when talking to him, but there's a glint in her eye that makes it clear she's a woman used to getting what she wants. The nondescript man - her driver? - one booth over means she has influence. He knew one or two women like her back before the war. 

"We have a deal," he responds and shakes her hand. 

He'd do anything to get Bucky back, do anything to keep him out of Hydra's hands. What Kathy's asking is _nothing_. She's a business woman. She's going to be sensible about this. 

"I have your word?" 

"You have my word. Potts will not be harmed. And your friend will be released once I've made contact with her. He'll be none the worse for wear." 

Steve reluctantly pulls his phone - a Starkphone, what else? - from his bag, opens Pepper's intinerary and gives the unlocked phone over to Kathy. She copies what looks like several entries and pushes his phone back. 

"Relax, Steve. You look like Tony without his morning coffee." Kathy smiles at him, gets up and leaves the diner together with her male companion. 

Steve leans back, his stomach churning. He _prays_ he's doing the right thing. 

Kathy only wants to have a talk with Pepper outside SI's headquarters. Tony left her for Pepper, and their break-up was far from amicable. Kathy's perfectly entitled to confront the girlfriend Tony replaced her with and get some things off her chest. Perhaps she wants to yell, throw things. Perhaps she wants to have a girl talk. 

Steve doesn't _care_. Kathy didn't need to have Bucky _abducted_. She could have just asked him for his help the _normal_ way. 

_Tony._ Tony and his taste in women. Do they all have to be overdramatic bit-- ah, dames? If Tony were just a bit more approachable these days, Steve could ask him how things ended with Kathy, and what the woman is like. But Tony is just... _Tony_. There's no reason to involve him - or the others - in something so insignificant. _Anyone_ could find out when Pepper leaves her office. 

(Tony receives the first package at 5 p.m. It contains one of Pepper's fingers, immediately recognizable by the ring Tony gave her when they started dating. Two days later, the number and content of the other packages makes it clear that they won't recover more than a body. Tony is non-verbal at that point. Steve can't stand the _void_ staring back at him from Tony's red-rimmed eyes. He regrets. Oh, he _regrets_. But it's too late. And he doesn't dare reveal his culpability. Not when Kathy kept her word in regard to Bucky and _Steve_ 's friend was released, unharmed.)


	19. Bucky Barnes: Compliance vs. Resistance #1

**What happens**

  
Steam is rising from the crushed hood of the car. The trunk is standing open. The man managed to crawl out and is lying next to the driver's door, dazed and bleeding. "Help my wife. Please. Help her." 

The asset is... Bucky is... _James_ is... 

He doesn't hit the man in the face; when his metal fist whips forward, he takes care to barely clip him, steers the impact into the side of the car instead. Stark's eyes are wide and locked on his face. He knows the instant he recognizes him. James' eyes beg for trust he doesn't deserve. Stark might have grown old, but he still has his wits about him. He plays dead. 

James grabs Stark by the hair and pushes him face-down onto the ground. 

The woman's voice is weak and so, _so_ scared. "Howard? Howard!" 

He steps around the car, leans in and presses a finger to her lips. His gaze bores into her, and it's enough. She quiets and follows his hand when he carefully, carefully makes her slump forward. 

He steps around the car and the small fire that has started. He doesn't have much time. He shoots the traffic camera. 

Stark helps him carry his wife from the wreck and flags down a car while James does the rescue breathing. 

The young couple in the Volkswagen Beetle is wide-eyed and useless. 

The moment James turns to the slight red-head and snarls at her, the overhead lights come on. The trio of Wakandan scientists in charge of his sessions with the machine without a name are excited and full of praise. 

James can _feel_ his heartbeat slow and the desperate urgency in him evaporate. It's all just a--a trick. Sure, confronting and changing his most traumatic memories as the Winter Soldier is supposed to help him, but each time he's forced to return to the unaltered reality, he feels like dying. All those people he killed are still dead. Even Howard Stark and his wife. 

For that, he _hates_ the machine. Almost as much as the hated the chair. 

But most of all, he hates himself. Both for what he did and what he didn't do. When he first woke up in Hydra's clutches, he should have resisted more. Despite the pain. There _were_ times he was almost himself, even before Stevie broke his programming for good. But he was afraid, and he didn't want to die. Even at the expense of innocent lives. And once Project Insight failed, he should have turned himself in. Accepted the consequences of all the lives he took. But no, he ran and hid like a coward, only to come out of hiding in Bucharest in one more explosion of violence and death. 

Dr. Hegebe tries to tell him, three times a week, that he shouldn't blame himself. His silence and apathy frustrate her, he knows. But what is there to say? 

He obsessively checks the website of the association of family members and friends of the Romanian officers he and Stevie fought in Bucharest. They post daily updates on the condition of the officers in the hospital. And bios of the men who died. By now, he knows them all by heart. 

And twice a week, he video-chats with Stevie. He promised. Seeing the smiling face of his best friend will never get old. _(Although Stevie's refusal to see who James has become is--is--)_

“They tell me I'm doing well,” he announces. He tries to smile, but can't tell whether or not he succeeded. 

“That's great, Bucky!” But Steve's enthusiasm peters out, as always, when he gets a look at James' left shoulder, and the emptiness where his arm ought to be. He scowls and announces, "I'll talk to Tony about a new arm for you, Bucky. He destroyed your old one, so it's only right he makes a replacement. Just wait and see – his tech is the best."


	20. Bucky Barnes: Compliance vs. Resistance #2

**What Tony imagines happening**

  
Going by his dress and demeanor, the dark-skinned, somber man might almost pass for a Wakandan. His words, however, have already put paid to that illusion. 

"Активировать протокол _с чистого листа_. [1]" 

Barnes bares his teeth, but no word leaves his lips. He's standing still as though frozen in place. 

_The damn trigger words are_ gone, Tony thinks wildly. 

Tony's just a few feet away, but they might as well be miles. The EMP took out the suit, and while he's managed to pop open the face plate after triggering the emergency release with his chin, the rest of the manual releases prove to be more of a problem. With the way he crashed, he can hardly move. Everything hurts. 

"Сброс Актива.[2]" Barnes still doesn’t move. His whole posture changes. 

The stranger’s words now come in a torrent. Pretty badly accented commands in Russian, by the sound of it. 

“Доволен. Полированный. Морозильник. Закат. Сорок три. Враждебный. Головы. оставлять. Ничего.[3]” 

Tony can hear the yelling on the Avengers comm channel from here that's spilling out of Barnes' headset. Steve's voice rises above all others. 

“Стул.[4]” 

Barnes has assumed an at-ease position. His crisp, emotionless mutter of "Сброс успешен. Готов подчиняться.[5]" sends shivers down Tony's spine. He wishes, oh how he wishes, that Barnes' deprogramming had been completed despite Steve's objections. Relying on a hurried, abbreviated set of BARF treatments back in Wakanda with some half-assed therapy on the side never felt quite enough to Tony. He should have insisted on more. Fuck, he never should have built Barnes a combat-ready arm. 

"Hold position," the stranger orders Barnes. He walks over to where Tony's lying and bends down. He has grey hair and a kind face. "I'm sorry, Dr. Stark," he says. "Please believe me that it was never my intention to hurt you. You, I hold blameless." 

Tony can only stare. His pain is fading, and that is not a good sign. 

"I am here for Miss Maximoff and Mr. Rogers and his team. My name is Gideon Odoemene. I lost my wife, son, daughter-in-law and three grandchildren in Johannesburg." 

Tony breathes. This story he knows. Will the Avengers' sins never leave them alone? 

"Stop!" Tony's yell is barely a whisper. "Please, stop. Killing us won't bring them back." 

Odoemene stops, hesitates. He turns around again. There are tears on his face. "I still have the letter you sent me. You apologized to me, to all the others who lost someone, even the ones who only lost their homes. No one on the Avengers took responsibility. Dr. Banner left. The others kept quiet. You--you alone _cared_. That, I won't forget." 

Tony can only lie there, numb, when Odoemene makes Barnes give him his comm unit and then proceeds to order him to take out the rest of the Avengers who hurry to their location. 

Sam is first, then Natasha. Then Steve. It's like Barnes doesn't even _care_ who he's just shot. 

Wanda gets taken out with a throwing knife, snatched from Natasha's dying hand. Clint fumbles and picks the wrong arrow. Scott attacks when he should have run. Barnes dodges and uses both hands to break his neck. 

Tony's vision has been shrinking more and more, accompanied by alarmingly dark corners, and so he barely registers the last command and the last shot. 

They later tell him Odoemene had the Winter Soldier help him commit suicide. In the end, he wanted to be with his family. Like Yinsen.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can't tell me that there isn't a reset for Bucky's trigger words. Hydra had _years_ to perfect their hold on their asset, and they might be many things, but stupid isn't one of them.   
>    
>  However, what I doubt they were is _creative_ , therefore I picked - when possible - the opposite of the original activation commands. Go check out Johnny Brayson's article of the meaning of the original words at [bustle.com](https://www.bustle.com/articles/158905-what-do-buckys-winter-soldier-activation-words-mean-the-code-is-as-mysterious-as-the-characters).
> 
> 1 Activate Clean Slate Protocol. [return to text]   
>  2 Reset Asset. [return to text]   
>  3 Satisfied. Polished. Freezer. Sunset. Forty-three. Hostile. Heads. Leaving. Nothing. [return to text]   
>  4 Chair. [return to text]   
>  5 Reset successful. Ready to comply. [return to text]
> 
> Unfortunately, my knowledge of the Russian language doesn't go beyond the cyrillic alphabet. The Russian in this chapter is thanks to various online dictionaries and [](http://archiveofourown.org/users/OzMaBa)[OzMaBa](http://archiveofourown.org/users/OzMaBa) who was nice enough to help.


	21. Bucky Barnes: Compliance vs. Resistance #3

**What would happen**

  
“Sending your buddy Barnes to Wilson isn't cutting it anymore, Captain.” 

Steve looks up from the book he's reading, irritated. 

Rhodes is standing in the door with an expression on his face that says he's here to make himself heard, come what may. The braces around his legs are hidden underneath his clothing and barely detectable unless you have super soldier senses. 

He sighs, puts his book down, and monitors Rhodes to join him on the sofa. Listening to his teammates' complaints is part of being a leader, after all. 

Rhodes' concern for Bucky's state of mind is gratifying, if unnecessary. 

He finally cuts him off and says firmly: “Bucky had lots of therapy sessions in Wakanda, Rhodey. I met his doctor, a nice woman by the name of Nahla. Also, he completed the BARF course set for him by a whole team of psychiatrists. I'm sure you know that after what happened with the fake Dr. Broussard, we made it a requirement that Bucky wouldn't be forced into any UN-mandated 'therapy' before we agreed to return. Sam is more than qualified, and he has thinks Bucky is doing great. That'll have to be enough.” 

Rhodes is looking frustrated. 

Perhaps Steve has been too quick to assume the underlying intention of their 'talk' was benign. Frankly, this whole thing is beginning to feel like an attempt by Tony's best friend to remove one of Steve's most loyal supporters from the team. 

Of course, Bucky is still having nightmares. After being a prisoner of war for over seven decades – and that in the hands of _Hydra_ -, who wouldn't? Yes, Steve has to make him take a shower sometimes, or eat regular meals, but that's understandable. Bucky's not used to the freedom of making his own decisions... that's where Steve comes in. 

Just until Bucky's recovered all the way. It won't be long now. Sam assures him keeping Bucky around Steve, reintroducing him to daily life, and giving him a purpose by putting him on the Avengers now that he has a new prosthetic arm has been doing so much good already. 

(That time Steve asked Bucky to help him prepare dinner for the team and Bucky hurt himself on the stove was just an accident. Thankfully, a day later, no sign of the burn on Bucky's entire right forearm remained.) 

He sends Rhodes on his way with the firm reminder that a team can only have _one_ leader, and that that happens to be Steve, despite _certain persons_ ' resistance. Rhodes visibly has to bite his tongue after that and leaves quickly. 

A week later, the Avengers come to the aid of Spider-Man in one of his semi-regular clashes with the Green Goblin in Queens. Steve can't help but disapprove. A superhero and a supervillain regularly duking it out in the middle of a residential neighborhood speaks of a disregard for innocent people's lives and property that is, frankly, appalling. 

Tony is there, too, of course. He considers himself somewhat of a mentor to the young hero. 

He has his faceplate raised to reproach Spider-Man when the Goblin, who's been seen escaping on his ridiculous glider/hoverboard thing, returns on a strafing run. He aims the next burst at Tony. 

Spider-Man is frozen. No one else is close enough to help. 

No one but Bucky. 

Steve screams his denial when Bucky steps in front of Tony, his guns still holstered, not even attempting to defend himself. 

He still sees Bucky's calm, accepting, sad little smile in front of this inner eye when everything's over and he's left cradling, _rocking_ Bucky's lifeless body.

**Author's Note:**

> I have several of these mapped out. Hopefully, I'll manage to put them all down on paper without writing myself into a corner again.


End file.
